Without You
by Youwillneverknowmeever
Summary: When Natara slips into a coma, a consequence of being shot in the line of duty, Mal goes into a deep depression. While Natara lies in a hospital bed rigged up to life saving machines, Mal wonders if he can live even a day without her. T for mild violence.
1. Chapter 1

The wind blew balmy, stirring Mal's hair lightly as he stood rooted to the ground. Raising his arm up, he twirled his gun around one finger and pointed it confidently at the beat up man in front of him. He could feel the comforting presence of his partner close to him, facing side on and also defiantly pointing a gun at the man. "Give up." Mal calmly stated. "You are cornered. You have nowhere to run. You're beat up pretty good. And there are 2 guns being pointed at you right now". The man trembled in fright, his hands beating themselves against his knees. "Who says I'm done?" he whispered, his voice breaking. "Who said I don't have anything up my sleeve? Because this isn't over." Swiftly, he whipped out a snub-nosed revolver from under his sweat soaked shirt and shoved it in the general direction of the 2 of them. Mal's eyes widened with surprise for a quick moment, then narrowed menacingly. "You don't want to do that." Natara's voice wafted towards the man, resonating loudly in Mal's ear. Feeling her hot breath on his face, he sucked in a deep gulp of air, and briefly closed his eyes. "Why? Why wouldn't I want to do that? I could just shoot you and be done with all of this." Hearing the man's voice, he wrenched his eyes open. "You know the reason already." Natara replied knowingly. The man's eyes glazed over with the tears filling inside of them. "Cathy..." he breathed, a single tear streaking down his bruised and battered face. Mal glanced at Natara who nodded back at him. "That's right..." he murmured cautiously. He walked towards him, his gun still trained on him. "Cathy... Your kid. Would you really want her to think of you as... A murderer? A wrong-doer? If you shoot us, you'll still go to jail. You'll never be there for your child." Mal swallowed deeply as the mournful memories of his incarcerated father flooded his mind. Shaking his head to and fro roughly, he stared down the man driving out any thoughts of his father from his head. "You... You're right." he whispered, his tears coming thick and fast now, creating a waterfall down his face. He slowly bent down and started to rest his gun against the floor. "That's it." Natara coaxed, her grip on her gun relaxing ever so slightly. He stopped, lightly tipping his head to the side. "No. You are wrong." He smiled an evil demon grin which stretched to both sides of his face. "If I shoot you, I'll never go to jail." It all happened in an incomprehensible rush. The man pirouetted swiftly and gracefully to face them. Scooping up the gun and grasping it in one blue-veined hand, he thrusted it at the 2 of them. He glared at them with contempt, all tears gone. He jerked the pistol to Mal's right. He took careful aim. And he depressed the trigger. It whipped through the air speedily, just a silver blur in the evening sky. It was ethereal, a beautiful sight for something that would destroy not only the victims, but the ones they loved. Mal watched it soar across the parking lot, shocked into silence and stillness. He could comprehend nothing, knew nothing of what was happening. All he heard was a high, feminine shriek of pain and all he saw was a figure collapse like a tower made of blocks onto the chunky gravel. He heard the sound of feet thumping, getting fainter and fainter. But all he saw was Natara on the ground, a fast flowing river of red seeping from her abdomen, staining her shirt a bright red. "NATARA!" He sprinted one step and leaped, reaching her in one bound. Frantically, he pressed his shaking hands against the large puncture wound in her stomach. Blood dripped down, coating his broad hands in a glove of red. "Mal..." Weakly, she stretched a trembling hand towards his face. Mal smiled wanly, the smile not reaching his eyes, and took her hand, pressing it against his face. "It's all right..." he coaxed, not so much for her, but himself. "You'll be fine... Just focus on my voice." Natara tried to concentrate on him, only him, but it was getting harder each second. Her breaths came in quick short bursts of air, and her eyelids felt as though they were weighed down with 100 pound weights. Mal kept flickering in and out of view, punctuated with a deep, torturous wrench of pain in her gut. "Please, keep your eyes open." Mal desperately pleaded with her. She groaned loudly, crushing Mal's fingers with one squeeze. "Th... That's it." His voice sounded so far away, as if she was underwater. "Squeeze it as hard as it hurts." She could hear the distant wailing of an ambulance in the background. "Help will be here soon." Mal let go of her hand and ran his fingers through her smooth, glistening hair over and over again. "Mal..." she trailed off feebly. "Yes?" he clutched her hand again. Natara tugged on his jacket, balling up the fabric in her hand. Her eyes slowly slipped close. "Nat? Nat, open your eyes, please!" Mal shouted, his voice breaking. She summoned up all of her willpower and levered her eyes open. "They're open." she murmured faintly. The world became dizzy, and the bright, pulsing lights from the ambulances joined together to create one blinding orb. "Can't fight... Any longer..." Mal squished her fingers together so hard she thought they'd crack. "No, Nat! You have to... Nat? NAT?" The world turned black. 


	2. Chapter 2

Tensely, Mal sat hunched up in a ragged, worn chair outside the emergency room. The eye-watering smell of disinfectant and pine air freshener filled the air, causing Mal to wrinkle his nose profusely. He squirmed in his seat, unable to stay still for one moment as his fingers impatiently tapped on the seat of the chair. Mal brushed back his messy, tousled hair with his fingers and sighed sorrowfully, his eyes flickering to the sign that proclaimed "Emergency" on the door. _Natara… _he mused mournfully in his head, _you have to get out of this alive. For me. Please…_

"Mal?"

A loud, clear voice rang through Mal's head and interrupted his train of thoughts. He grasped the arms of the chair in a death grip and levered himself up. Spinning around swiftly on one foot, he squinted at the blurry mass on the far side room inching towards him.

"Kai…?"

Kai bounded towards him with a tinge of sadness in his lopsided gait. "In the flesh!" He tried to sink himself into one of the armchairs, missed completely and ended up sprawled on the waxed linoleum floor. "Um, Mal-ligator…?" Mal glared at him. "Oops, sorry. Forgot you didn't like the name. Mal, want to give me a hand?" Shaking his head, Mal stretched out a broad hand in the general direction of Kai. Clutching it, Kai jerked himself to his feet roughly. "Wow, that was… awkward…" he stated uncomfortably, brushing down his flamboyantly coloured trousers. Mal smiled unconvincingly, the corners of his lips tugging only a centimeter away from their original position. His eyes remained ice-cold, full of misery and grief. "Mal…" Kai murmured, brushing his hand over Mal's shoulder, "Are… Are you O.K.?" Mal swallowed deeply and diverted his eyes downwards, his eyes bulging out with unshed tears. "The truth?" he whispered brokenly. "I'm a mess." He tipped his head upwards and proceeded to look Kai in the eye. "They said…" Mal could barely choke out the words. "They said…That she lost a lot of blood, and it was a lot more probable that she would… die than that she would survive. They said she only had a slim chance of survival." Mal's mind flipped back through his memories to half an hour prior, and remembered in crystal clear definition.

_Her face was pale, so pale, the colour of polished white marble. Gripping her hand tightly with one hand, and cradling his own head with another, Mal crouched beside Natara's limp body, trembling ever so slightly. His hands were covered with blood, Natara's blood, and he stared at it, willing it to disappear back into her veins, to make her happy, healthy and whole again._

_That's all he wanted._

_Why didn't he react faster? Why didn't he just shoot the man before he could shoot Natara? Mal knew that he could have done something to save her. He knew that when it came down to it, this was his entire fault. _

_Suddenly the ambulance lurched forward drunkenly and stopped, the sound of the siren wailing slowly into silence. The doors creaked open, sending a steady stream of moonlight into the dark vehicle. The ambulance drivers rushed in swiftly and grabbed the sides of Natara's gurney. Mal thrusted himself off the floor, and clutched at Natara's wrist as they careened Natara down the ramp and into the vibrantly lit hospital. He stroked her hair, gently and tenderly as she was rushed down the corridor towards the emergency room. "Natara…" he whispered softly, under his breath so no one but him could hear. "I… I love you. Please don't leave me here alone." They rounded the corner and came to a abrupt halt outside the stark, dazzlingly white door that led into the emergency room. "Detective..." the doctor murmured. "You'll have to leave her now." Mal nodded, unable to speak. Bending down, he brushed his lips against Natara's cold, smooth forehead. "We will do everything possible to revive her, we promise you," the doctor looked at him tenderly, and wheeled her away from Mal. Mal just stood there, rooted to the lino, as Natara disappeared from view, and maybe even his life._

"Mal... Mal?"

Mal jerked his head violently, as if emptying his heads of thoughts, and brought himself back into the present_. _Kai had both of his hands resting on Mal's shoulders, and was swaying them back and forth. He glared at Kai and shoved his hands off them. Sheepishly, Kai knotted his fingers behind his back and twisted his hands around. "Sorry Mal..." he chided softly. "I know I'm not good at this, um... _feelings _and _emotions _stuff, but I wanted to say... That I'm, um... I'm _here for you_. And I know how close you and Agent Hottie Boom Bottie_," "Natara_." Mal interjected firmly. "OK, _Natara_, are, and I know this must be hitting you pretty hard." Mal blinked heavily, letting his eyelids drop over his eyes for a few precious seconds. Opening them, Mal realized how touched he was at Kai's unusual display of concern. "Kai," he began sadly.

_"_Detective Fallon?"

Hearing the deep tenor of the doctor ring through the corridor, Mal pirouetted and strode rapidly towards the doctor, clearing the distance between them in a few seconds. Breathing heavily, Mal scrutinized the doctor's face for any sign of relief or distress, his eyes flickering over every point of his face, and finding nothing. "Is she O.K.?" Mal frantically asked, his hands scrabbling for the doorknob of the door he came out of. "Natara? Is she?" Placing a gentle hand on Mal's shoulder, he tried to slowly ease Mal down, to no avail. Sighing deeply, the doctor dropped his hand and gestured with his chin towards the door. "Come with me, and I'll explain." Mal didn't rest a second. Side stepping the doctor, he rammed the door open and sprinted through the confusing maze of corridors._ "_Detective Fallon, WAIIIiiiiiit..." the doctor shouted, trailing off. Mal kept sprinting, stopping for nothing, just wanting to see Natara. Skidding to a standstill, he noticed a flash of coffee coloured hair and olive skin. His heart lurching to his throat, he realized that Natara was residing in a bed in that very room_. "_Hhhhhhh... Detective Fallon..." The doctor loomed behind him, gasping for breath. "Waiiiiii... Wait..." Ignoring him profusely, Mal shouldered the door open with such a force that it impacted with the pristine wall with a mighty CRACK_!_

The scene that met him nearly caused him drop to his knees and sob uncontrollably.

Natara was lying on her back, her ebony hair spread out behind her head like a fan. She had a wad of bandages wrapped around her upper abdomen, stained the deep crimson of a lipstick. Her hands were resting lightly on her chest, one on top of the other, the sapphire ring she always wore glinting in the harsh light.

Mal could have taken any of these things on their own.

But what got him was the many whirring machines wired up to her. The IV poking into her skin. The machine that constantly beeped and was stuck in her abdomen.

And the machine showing her heart beat rate.

"She... She lost a lot of blood." Mal heard the doctor as he sloped up towards him, an expression of mourn on his face. "She... She's in a coma." Mal felt the world around him spin and he pressed his palm deep into a table next to him for support. "A... A what?" he whispered. Mal stole a glance at Natara, feeling sick to the bone as he saw how cold and still she lay. "A coma." The doctor stepped forward hesitantly and muttered the words tragically. "We... we tried our best. But she still has a glimmer of hope. She could 'wake up' at any time." Mal spun around and furiously glared at the doctor. "And is that supposed to make me feel any better?" he angrily pounded the table, denting it slightly. "She's in a coma. But don't worry. Either she'll wake up, or she'll die." Mal sank, jelly-limbed into a nearby seat, his eyes wet with hot tears. The doctor crossed over. His face was pale and drawn with worry. "Yes, I understand Mr. Fallon. But it's all we have." Straightening, he cleared his throat and drew his eyes to the overhead wall clock. "In any event, I think you should go home and have a rest. You are probably real..." "No." Mal shook his head firmly and gulped. "I'm... I'm staying the night." The doctor cocked an eyebrow, but didn't protest any more. "Fine." he walked over to the door, and paused with his hand on the doorknob. "If something goes wrong, just give me a holler. I'll be in the next room." He slowly opened the door with a creak, and pushed it shut.

Mal shut his eyes, squeezing them tight as a single tear escaped and trickled down his stubbly cheek.

"Oh Natara," he murmured brokenly, "What did I get you into?"


End file.
